Category Things That Don’t Need to be Said

Things That Don’t Need to Be Said – Volume VII: Simms Edition

“I put the Eagles offense as one of my bottom five. Why did I do it? Not that they are one of the worst five units in the NFL. It’s because, ‘It’s going to be one of the fastest units we’ve ever seen. What are you going to do to stop it? . . . […]

Petraeus Affair – Things That Don’t Need to be Said: Volume VI

In light of the Petraeus scandal, CNN posed the question of why men in positions of power continue to “risk exposure and punishment” by having extramarital affairs. Where to start? I suppose I could answer that question by talking about the dynamics of power and how it affects the mind. I could weave you countless […]

Things That Don’t Need to be Said – Volume V: Luck Edition’s Gregg Rosenthal reported that Andrew luck showed ‘veteran poise’ last night against the Jacksonville Jaguars. Pictured: lies. I didn’t watch the game, but I know for a fact he did not. I see what you are trying to do, Mr. Rosenthal, but I won’t let you get away with it. I get what you […]

Things That Don’t Need to be Said – Volume IV: Racist Edition

The other day, I was watching an early 1940’s movie about, surprise, WWII. You know the type, even if you haven’t seen the actual movie. It’s got a dashing Brit with an awesome mustache who postures in doorways and says things like “Indeed,” or “Rapscallion,” or “Drei gläser.” About halfway through the movie the Brit […]

Things That Don’t Need to be Said – Volume III: Coach’s Edition

Sadly, the Lakers are 0-8 this preseason. Lakers’ head coach Mike Brown was just quoted as saying, “Despite our record, I think we are a little ahead of schedule, especially with the injuries.” Hrm. Ahead of schedule you say? Which, uh, which schedule would that be? “Coach Brown, Coach Brown! That schedule you drew up? […]

Things That Don’t Need to be Said – Volume II: Sports Edition

In the hours leading up to Game 7 of the NLCS, ESPN ran a story describing the matchup, which featured a subheading, “The Giants have clawed back. The Cardinals aren’t known for backing down. There’s only one way to decide this: Game 7.” At first glance, this heading seems fairly unremarkable. Down 3-1, the Giants […]

Things That Don’t Need to be Said – Volume I

I recently opened a Twitter account for reasons that I am unwilling to disclose at this juncture. In a highbrow move, I decided that if I had to debase myself by using Twitter, I would do so with class. No comedians, athletes, or politicians. Only the elite would grace my Twitter feed. I did this […]