Jason Babin Trapped in Sisyphean Nightmare

Jason Babin was meeting with members of the Associated Press today regarding his recent release from the Philadelphia Eagles when news broke that he had been claimed off waivers by the Jacksonville Jaguars. Philadelphia beat writers asked Babin how he felt about his new team. Babin, who studied Classics at Western Michigan University, responded: “I feel like Sisyphus, condemned to languish in the underworld for all of eternity, pushing a boulder up a hill, only to have it roll to the bottom of the hill as soon as I reach the top. I get cut by arguably the most disappointing, underachieving team in NFL history, only to be instantly picked up by a team that’s actually worse. At this rate I’ll get cut by the Jaguars and then end up with the Chiefs and then… I don’t know what’s worse than that. The [Canadian Football League]? I’m just praying this nightmare will end soon.”

When asked what he must have done to deserve this punishment, Babin was uncertain: “I don’t get it. It’s not like I tricked [Roger] Goodell into reducing the duration of a suspension or locked him in a closet or something. I fully intend to offer a libation to the Commissioner tonight. Maybe I’ll sacrifice a bull, too, just to be safe.”

Commissioner Goodell could not be reached for comment, but those with personal knowledge of the situation report he did not find being compared to Hades, god of the underworld, amusing.


  1. Why is “Canadian Football League” in brackets? Is what this man called it something far, far worse than I can possibly imagine?

    1. He called it the CFL.

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