By G. Grimstad | This Week in Video Games
Earlier this week, Donkey Kong, one of the most popular Nintendo characters, reportedly asked to be traded or released by the Japanese company. “We were all disappointed with how the team performed this season. I don’t think it’s that surprising that he would voice his displeasure,” Nintendo teammate Luigi said. “Do I want him to go? Of course not. But he has to do what’s best for him: for his career; for his health; for his family. My brother, sister-in-law, and Yoshi are on this team. DK’s only got Diddy, and they haven’t been close since that Diddy Kong Racing fiasco.”
Nintendo captain, Mario, was equally supportive of the often outspoken brawler: “This game is tough on everyone. People seem to forget that. We all have to make sacrifices. All the Pokemon had to pick this or the Pokemon Fighting League. Captain Falcon’s contract prohibits him from racing. He needs a waiver to even get within fifty feet of a ship. I had to give up my medical career back in ’08. You make those sacrifices and you expect to win. That simply hasn’t been the case, lately.”
Fan favorite Solid Snake took a different view: “I don’t necessarily disagree with his sentiments. That being said, you know me; you know my background. Sometimes it’s better to keep quiet and work behind the scenes. I wish this had been handled discretely.”
In response to being called a former “heavy hitter” by the always dapper Kong, Princess Peach angrily said: “Heavy? He called me heavy? Well, I wasn’t so heavy that he couldn’t carry me off all those times.”
Smash Brothers legend and aspiring film star Fox McCloud could not be reached for comment. Since his latest movie disaster, “Fox in the Henhouse,” the normally reclusive vulpine has grown increasingly aloof.